I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
