im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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