better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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