Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
