Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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