yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
