just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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