I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
