so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
