Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
