I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
