In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
