Don't you send me to vm
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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