Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
