Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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