this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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