so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i need to put some appletini on your dick
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
