those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.