Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.