He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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