this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
