After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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