Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My penis needs a shock collar
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
