I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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