im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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