Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
