You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
