Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
