do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
