i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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