So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
