Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize