Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
