Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
