therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
