Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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