and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
