So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
