Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
