Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
PS: I just woke up from my shower
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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