and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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