I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
