You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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