I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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