If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
