Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
