I think I won the penis lottery.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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