ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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