I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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