Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
