you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
