proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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