If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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