Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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