so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
