That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
