You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
