happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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