I think I died a long time ago.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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