Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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