I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
