I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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