Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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