# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Go christen that room with your naked body.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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