So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
