nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
