In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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