To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
