If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
