Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
