Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
