i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
