I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
