how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
