The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
