Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
sarcasm needs its own font
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
