i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
