If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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