I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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