OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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