I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
