she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
