now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
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i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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