we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
